The Quilter: Quilting with Malke

Posts Tagged ‘funny

It’s so funny how something as trivial as a hug can mean so much. On Sunday I went to work for the first time in a while and was happily given hugs by some of my dear quilting friends.  Thank you all for the lift!

I’ve been trying to keep up with a ‘block of the month’ group, but so far I haven’t been too successful.  Instead of making one of each block, I thought I would be real bright and make 2, so I would have 2 more quilts to give to the grandkids [since I don’t think I will ever really catch up].  Only problem: I misplaced everything in the mess of a sewing room I have.  I started cleaning last week hoping that I’d find everything soon since the meeting is next Sunday.  I read somewhere that one should beware of a quilter that is cleaning her room; it means she is planning to move out!  I found the bag in the second to the last corner.  When I excitedly showed my husband, he commented: “does this mean you aren’t going to clean your room anymore?”  RIGHT!  Guess what I’ll be doing all night tonight?  Show you both finished projects the end of December.

Our Monthly Raffle is finally back! The prize is a $5 gift card to my store, Sew Materialistic, or a $5 coupon off your next purchase online @ www.sewmaterialistic.com. In order to enter please post a comment, ”like” the page, and suggest our Facebook page to a friend. Thanks!

I used to hear my husband laughing hysterically everytime he went to bathroom. He was reading this book: Anthology of Jewish Humor… That’s why I made the quilt: to remember that going to the bathroom CAN be funny!

Here is the rest of the story:

I started creating this Mendel & Zelda quilt waaay back in 1992, though I didn’t finish it until 2002. The story is copied from Anthology of Jewish Humor and handwritten on the quilt. Pictures are from The Keeping Quilt by Patricia Polacco. Edges of the couples were finished with puff paint done by my son’s friend’s mother, a professional “yarmulka” artist (she decorated Jewish little boy’s skullcaps). I spent $10 for her steady hand, beautiful work and no headache for me!

And in case you were curious about my husband and my sense of humor, here is an exerpt from the book: 😉 enjoy!

What is a landlord? A bore! He asks you one question all the time-rent! What is rent? A fine you pay for being poor.  What is poverty? Dirt-on the surface. What is riches? More dirt-under the surface. Everybody wants money. Money! What is money? A disease we like to catch but not spread.

“Did you marry me or hire me?” asked Zelde.
“I stole you, now I have to pay the penalty.”
What is love? A conquest. What is marriage? An inquest. Don’t worry, your father was no fool. He made believe he didn’t see us run away. We felt romantic and he got off cheap.

What is romance? Soap bubbles. They look nice, but taste rotten. What’s a woman’s tongue? A little dog’s tail.  It wags too much! What is a dowry? Every man’s price.

Its funny how I always thought one sewing machine was enough and never understood the need to have more than one.  That was before I became a quilter and find deep satisfaction in my work. 

Well to get to the point.  my Pfaff is on the fritz, I lost the pedal to my new Bernina, and I can’t figure out the bobbin of my new featherweight. I was ready to punch someone out today!  Good thing it was a dreary rainy day and I went to sleep instead and only dreamed of quilts. 🙂

Tomorrow is another day… hope it is a great one for you!

Everyone thinks (and hopes!) they are different and unique.  We all want to feel that we maybe are a little bit different than the next guy.  So, I was sitting and eating my brunch at work, which I very often do, and a young girl of about 11 said she also eats Cheerios with chocolate chips.  Now imagine my utter suprise! I always thought only my kids and I did that!  And here was a perfect stranger saying she loved to eat her Cheerios with chocolate chips!  Maybe she was stolen at birth?

I’ve been making more postcards for this trading group I joined- “Trading Fabric Post Cards”- a group of 25 people who from all over the world who has to also send out 25 postcards. There is no fee and no rules. If you would like to sign up, just google quilted postcard trading group. I still have these in my possession (past the due date) bec. big cities are quite uncooperative in hand stamping… If the fabric postcards were to go through the machine it can be damaged. By me, they charge .44 cents, then .20 cent fee, then $1 for each handstamp!
As an aside, Sew Materialistic offers free postcard workshops, where everyone just sits and sew postcards- lots of fun!

Quilted Fabric Post Cards

Quilted Fabric Post Cards

Quilted Fabric Post Cards

Quilted Fabric Post Cards

Quilted Fabric Post Cards

I’m having <CENSORED> [complaining] burn-out.  It’s again the time of year for me to start thinking about another newsletter.  I came up with the great idea of not sending out a whole newsletter but instead only a postcard with a burning match on it.  The idea was nixed by one and all, too bad.

I love my quilting store and I love most of my customers, (I’m sure you are one of them), and thank G-d we are doing pretty good in this economy but I still feel burned-out.  In particular, registration for sewing and quilting classes was way down this quarter.  Now I’m cheap and don’t go in for spending my hard earned dollars on anything but quilting fabrics for my stash but I’m always curious about new techniques and patterns and therefore try to take classes that interest me and allow me to grow as a quilter.

There are a few diehards that do take all the classes that we offer and it gives me great pleasure to see them growing and enjoying the sheer joy in learning something new.  Are we not offering enough new and innovative classes?  Should we be offering more detailed work?  More fast and easy?  I dont know where to go so I dont feel like going anywhere.   So there, I’ve said my piece and I feel better [now i have to see if this goes thru my censors](One Word Censored).

Somebody, who will remain anonymous, sent me this wonderful letter.

“This may not quite qualify as ‘quiltresting’ or as material you would want to share with your readership, but I MUST share it with you!

I just heard about you, ironically, (or perphaps not) from my work colleague. He just called me and we were talking about the fact that my youngest daughter will be leaving for seminary soon and we will be “empty-nesters”. I told him I have taken an interest in quilting and hope that this will help keep me busy while I’m missing my baby!! Who would have guessed that he would be a source for quilting information!! He told me his brother-in-law’s mother (ME!) has a quilt shop in Brooklyn, a website, etc., and he told me about the Holocaust Quilt!! Before I hung up the phone I found the website, the blogs, etc. and I was THRILLED!!

I am the daughter of a Holocaust Survivor (I created a website that you may like to have a look at: http://www.jewsoflatvia.com) and was very interested in seeing the quilt for so many reasons. My mother is an avid quilter who is ALWAYS quilting or crocheting blankets for the Linus Project. I, on the other hand, am a complete novice but have discovered crazy quilts and really want to get started with a sampler.  I finally found the pictures of your Holocaust Quilt by scrolling down in your blog and I was totally blown away. It is the most moving and soul-stirring quilt I have ever seen. Absolutely amazing.

So funny and amazingly wonderful how by mentioning a little something to him (which, by the way, while I was saying it I was thinking – now why would he be at all interested in hearing about my foray into quilting!) could lead me to this treasure trove!

As an aside, my older daughter lives in Washington Heights and I already told her about your store. She said she has a cousin (a wonderful artist) and aunt (from her husband’s side) who were interested in learning quilting, so I will definitely send them to your store! I think they live in Queens, but I will definitely pass on the info.

You are a real inspiration and your work is incredible!! Thank you for sharing it with the world!! Absolutely beautiful!”

Another not my week story. We went out to eat yesterday and although it looked like rain, my husband said we should walk and we would make it back before the “2 minute” rain. Needless to say, the sky opened up just as we left and G-d left the hose on. We were soaked thru and thru.

I ran home with my daughter and her new husband, my husband went to temple. after i drove my daughter and hubby home, I was so glad to get back home just to be able to change into dry clothes but lo and behold, I didnt have the house keys. I quickly ran back into the car, drove to the temple, waited, soaking wet for half an hour for my husband and finally made it home.

The first thing I did wasn’t change my clothes but look frantically for my keys, which I couldnt find and I thought I lost them [not for the third time] but when I finally went to change there was a jangling in my pocket that turned out to be my KEYS. I’m either getting old [a distinct and not too bad a prospect, considering the alternative] or someone is out to get me. there always is next week.

I wear glasses to see anything, without them, the world is not rosey but blurry.  Tuesday night I fell asleep in my lounge chair eating popcorn and listening to a book.  I always listen to books from the library when I’m quilting because, besides my kids, they are my loves.

Wednesday morning I got up and couldn’t find my glasses anywhere.   I even called my husband to come home because he could see while I could only feel.  No luck.  I went to work with a very old pair with a very old prescription which made it very hard to read.

I was going to make an appointment to the eye doctor for a new prescription and then new glasses when my husband called me up that he opened a bag of popcorn I had put away in the morning and my glasses were in the bag.  I must have fallen asleep and threw off my glasses that landed in the popcorn bag that I sealed in the morning because I didn’t see my glasses.  They smelled good-popcorny.


Hi, I’m Malke

I've been a quilter for a couple of decades and I decided to share my quilts, methods, joys and thoughts on quilting with the rest of the blogsphere. Please bookmark my blog by clicking the cute "Add This" button below. Read more on the "About Me" page.

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